You Say Yes, I Say No

To the THIRTY PERCENT of my guest list (80 people) that has not responded....WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME SO???

Just in case anyone is curious, the bulk of those who have not responded are RELATIVES. My relatives to be exact. You have some random friends, but mostly, it's the relatives. This is surprising, I would have thought that my parents' friends would be the slow ones. Nope. They responded promptly.

And so let the hunting for answers begin. I will email them at work, I will tell on my cousin's elderly parents and I will get cousins to harangue their elderly parents. It's just a yes or no, people.

How Will I Know I'm At a Wedding?

Went to hang out with my sister and her friends at her beach rental last week. I suspect it was a poorly planned wedding intervention, but these days, every interaction with my sister goes similarly. This was an actual conversation:

Her: You guys, she's not having cake
Friend 1: Not having cake!
Friend 2: You have to have cake!
Me: No I don't
Her: I will buy you a cake
Me: You only want to do that because you bought me a cake topper. We are having pie, get over it, it costs more money to serve cake than it's worth
Her: You are ridiculous
Friend 1: How will I know I'm at a wedding if you don't cut cake?
Me: I don't know, maybe the one hour service before and the big white dress I'll be wearing could be hints?

And no, I have not told them of the many other things we are skipping: champagne toast (that shit is expensive), garter toss (ridiculous), bouquet toss (also ridiculous), being announced (just silly, everyone there knows who we are)

You have to learn to pick your battles.

Oh Dad...

Dad picked I Hope You Dance by Leanne Womack for our father/daughter dance. Who knew Dad loved country? I mean I knew he had a thing for Willie Nelson, but this is a different animal entirely.

Lyrics
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I'm not kidding anyone, even my city slickered heart has some pulled strings when I listen to it.

A good friend gave smart advice: waterproof makeup. In other practical thoughts, this sucker is 5 mins long. If I cry for that long, we'll have other issues to deal with. Good thing my makeup artist is a guest as well.

Pre-Pre-Cana

As part of the Catholic wedding process, we have to take a Pre-Cana course. Imagine my non-surprise when I see the $195 price tag. Thanks Archdiocese of New York!

Upon seeing the price, I immediately stopped listening to one of my favorite Christmas carols.

Also, imagine my non-surprise to find out that they are the ones behind the "Abortion Changes You" billboards on the subway. Really? There are schools and churches closing all over the city and they are spending money on advertising.

Catholicism is a tricky thing, as any religion, and I've struggled with it, but in a v. passive way. I've been spoilt by my awesome priest uncles who have made Catholicism a wonderful thing for me and my family. One of my favorite holiday memories is that of the whole extended family gathering at my uncle's Harlem church for Christmas mass, getting into a yellow school bus headed down to Rockefeller Center and singing Christmas carols as a family in front of the tree and St. Patrick's.

Back to pre-cana. Friends have said it was a good experience for them, kind of like therapy but with a catholic twist. Older married couples usually lead the sessions, which is a good thing, because what does a priest really know about marriage? nothing. Two full days of marriage therapy? sounds like fun! Natural family planning? smiles!

I'm thinking I don't mention that we're "living in sin".

The Best

My nephew is the cutest and part of the reason I moved back to NYC from DC. He inevitably had one of the best reactions to our engagement, as follows:

Connor Monster: DEE DEE, ConGRAulations!
me: Thanks Connor!
CM: When are you gonna get mawwied?
me: When you are 5, I'm going to get married and you are invited to big party!
CM (confused look, furrowed brow, look of excitement): DEE DEE! I'll be 5....TOOMOWWOW!
actual age: 3yrs and 9 months

So, it was no surprise that he, of all of my immediate relatives, had the best reaction to learning his aunt and uncle are living together. The following conversation took place when discussing a pending sleepover. Can anyone say "test child"?

CM: I want to sleep over at Aunt Dee Dee's house
Sis: Okay, but it's Aunt Dee Dee and Uncle Rob's house
CM: What?
Sis: Aunt Dee Dee and Uncle Rob live together
CM(high squeaky voice): Aunt DEE DEE and Uncle WOB live to-GET-her?!?!
**look of utter amazement**

then complete silence

i heart that little man