it happened

I felt/feel overwhelmed. Freaked out at FH (who is increasingly a groomzilla).What can you do? Especially when thinking the same thoughts on a continuous loop:

hope my dress fits
hope the guest list shrinks overnight
why did he put neverending story on our song list?
what will my dad want to dance to?
why does the church need certificates no less than 6 months old when we were baptized years ago?
hope pre-cana doesn't turn me into an alcoholic
why do veils freak me out?
why is everyone pushing the veil?
can i pull off the birdcage?
why can't i find a pair of shoes that i like that are compfy?
hope my vendors remember me
is it weird to have red velvet cake and peanut butter fudge pie as dessert options?
must take dance lessons
i hope the invites look good
wonder if i can avoid his horrible family member till the wedding
that wouldn't be good
thank god the invites look good
dear lord, why does FH have opinions?
wonder if i ignore them
didn't work
how will i get the flowers to the wedding?
when will my maid of honor like the things i like?
never, she's your sister
why is flock of seagulls on the dance list?
why does the flowergirls mother want their hair done?
i don't
he must stop freaking out about the guest list
who am I marrying?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

no amount of crafting, quilting, knitting or applying to grad school is going to be able to fully distract me from this loop of thoughts. ha! I even signed up for the GRE to give myself something other than wedding planning to do. silly girl, tricks are for kids.

five months to go people. it'll get better, right?

Pre-Pre-Cana

As part of the Catholic wedding process, we have to take a Pre-Cana course. Imagine my non-surprise when I see the $195 price tag. Thanks Archdiocese of New York!

Upon seeing the price, I immediately stopped listening to one of my favorite Christmas carols.

Also, imagine my non-surprise to find out that they are the ones behind the "Abortion Changes You" billboards on the subway. Really? There are schools and churches closing all over the city and they are spending money on advertising.

Catholicism is a tricky thing, as any religion, and I've struggled with it, but in a v. passive way. I've been spoilt by my awesome priest uncles who have made Catholicism a wonderful thing for me and my family. One of my favorite holiday memories is that of the whole extended family gathering at my uncle's Harlem church for Christmas mass, getting into a yellow school bus headed down to Rockefeller Center and singing Christmas carols as a family in front of the tree and St. Patrick's.

Back to pre-cana. Friends have said it was a good experience for them, kind of like therapy but with a catholic twist. Older married couples usually lead the sessions, which is a good thing, because what does a priest really know about marriage? nothing. Two full days of marriage therapy? sounds like fun! Natural family planning? smiles!

I'm thinking I don't mention that we're "living in sin".

Sigh

Reading around in the wedding blogosphere can get you a little down sometimes, especially when you inevitably start comparing what you yourself are doing to others. Whether your ring is too big, or too small or not politically correct. Whether you are gocco'ing and hand-stamping your invites. Whether you are arranging your own flowers, or hiring the most in the know floral designer recommended by the martha stewart blog (i'm starting to almost hate that blog).

I know that most of these posts are meant to share and be informative, but sometimes I get just plain jealous of the backyard wedding, the bride wearing cowboy boots, the handmade invites, the beautiful nature backgrounds and the flower arranging relatives. I have no backyard to have my wedding in, as New York is my backyard. And none of my relatives would want to camp out the night before or after my wedding. I've never owned cowboy boots, but would love a pair of blue satin numbers. I know I do not have the patience or ability to do my own invites. I am getting married in a concrete jungle. And most of my relatives have been spending most of energy trying to dissuade me from doing my own bouquets.

and my wedding is not going to cost $10,000. sadly. ugh. at least i can live vicariously through others and try not to let the green monster take over.