Recap Part II: The Rehearsal

Fordham University has a gorgeous chapel. As part of getting married there, they provide a day-of coordinator who also conducts the rehearsal. This is a college student. Has anyone interacted with a 19 year old lately? Ever notice if they aren’t relatives, they’re kind of annoying? Like…totally, okay?

Thankfully, my sister, my glorious sister, was once the wedding coordinator and knew the ins and outs of running the rehearsal. She stepped up her teacher voice and asked the organizational questions that I didn’t know to ask.

Cutest moment ever was when my nephew was asked if he wanted to walk down by himself or with the flower girls. He, sizing up the girls thoughtfully, wisely said, “With the girls” in his v. special resigned 5 year old way. Out came his hands to pretend to hold a pillow. Heart clutch!

One thing I failed at was getting the order of the wedding party right, not knowing that putting them in order of importance going down the aisle would be reversed because they have them enter the aisle at the other end. Small…little…insignificant detail. If you care about that sort of thing. The calligrapher side of me cared, the person that knew better did not.

Also, a hint of drama at the ordering of the parents. His divorced parents. But everyone remained civil which I very much appreciated.

Also, my uncle did the ceremony and he also took over part of the rehearsal.

He was great. Kept the vows a secret. Pumped up the crowd for the responses the next day.

And before I knew it we were done and off to the rehearsal dinner, that epic event that one set of his parents had become…much. less. than. civil. over.

We did it at Umberto’s Clam House. And it was great. The tables were decorated with mums and awkward pictures from our childhoods. One person’s toast was v. biblical, but in the end, very nice and touching.

Then my dad decided to read a poem he wrote for me, entitled “Yes”. Open floodgates. Realization. Marriage. No longer someone’s child but someone’s wife. It was a heart fluttering moment.

Everyone had a great time at the rehearsal, showing that in the end, you really don’t need to worry about the small stuff or make it into something that it isn’t (the disaster I predicted). Everyone there was there to celebrate us and did they ever.

I left with my parents, to sleep in my childhood twin bed, with my wedding dress hanging over my bed from the ceiling fan. And sleep I did.

rehearsal dinner schmimmer

FH got taken to the cleaners by a restaurant in Little Italy in the Bronx and put a deposit down.

Came home freaked out. Talked it over. Since the dinner menu was going to be fancier than our actual wedding and there was a hazy area re: tipping, we canceled the reservation and stopped payment on the check. We decided to go to more affordable and less nice place. You know, the place with all the politician pics on the walls as you walk in, the pizza place in the front and the mirrored room in the back. alls kinds of classy.

As I've said before, I'd prefer to skip the whole thing, take a tylenol pm and got to sleep on the twin bed from my childhood, but if dinner is to be had, even the bare essentials will do for me. It's the parents who "care". Bring on the mirrored room and the cheap chianti.

excuse me?

Spoke with the future mother in law (FMIL) last night.

Her: Soooo, I hear you and FH saw some rehearsal dinner spots
Me: We did
Her: Any ideas you want to share??
Me: FH has all of the information on the places, you can ask him about details
Her: Oh.... okay
Me: Yeah, I've delegated the rehearsal dinner, but I'm sure he'd love to talk to you about it!

Him on couch: *squint*grimace*

that's what you get when you let your husband bully me.

Rehearsal Dinner

I want to skip the rehearsal dinner. It has caused the most drama out of anything we have endeavored to plan as part of our wedding. Mainly because FH's parents are divorced (and remarried) and one couple is so absolutely insane that I'm in therapy. hahaha, just kidding, not really.

They have been bullying us into planning the rehearsal dinner a full year and one month before the actual wedding. I became increasingly stressed after repeated questioning about where is the rehearsal dinner? what should we do? what do we need to bring? should it have a theme? It's hard to have the same answer to several different questions, the answer "I don't care."

Started to wonder, why do they care so much? This is the sick part: because this is a competition for them vs. FH's father. Exhibited through power trips mixed in with some unhealthy verbal abuse. Joy! I hope you can now see why I want to skip the rehearsal dinner and go straight to popping two tylenol PMs in my childhood twin bed.

The icing on this red velvet cake from hell is that FH actually wanted to wait until they were in town to have them pick a place, ergo rewarding their horrible behavior thus far and setting a dangerous precedent for the rest of our lives. They bully, we give in. No way. I got him to agree to giving them three options. And I know this sounds like a huge power struggle. It is.

So we finally went to little italy, right near where we are getting hitched, to visit some old school restaurants, get prices, and scope out rooms. Their response, "wow, you're really early" as in, you are early even at 8 months out! We don't have to book this until the month before! I want to leave prank messages on their phones with a parakeet saying "I told you so" over and over and over and over again.

I kind of want to book our favorite old pizza place just to piss off the parents since they clearly view this as a presentation of their success and worth in life. Hey, at least I would get to eat chicken rolls...

Pugley's Pizza...it isn't known for ambiance

Ummmm

We have 13 months to go until the wedding. And, so far, we have taken care of

1. The Church
2. The Restaurant for the party aka reception
3. My dress (impulse sample sale, still feeling good about it)
   
4. His tux (already had one, he's so fancy)
5. Wedding party
6. Priests (2 of my uncles, one of the perks of the big irish family)

I think that's a lot. To have done so far ahead of time. We've spent time moving in together and enjoying our engagement, talking about our future lives.

So I don't know where this is coming from or why I'm expected to hand over the rehearsal dinner to the future in laws. Because they are asking us every. chance. they. get. about the rehearsal dinner. and what do we want. and usually the parents of the groom handle that. and you need to MAKE. A. DECISION. RIGHT. NOW.

Where did this come from? We don't need this pressure. The rehearsal dinner will be just that. A dinner. At a restaurant. I'm pretty sure restaurants know how to handle 40 people for dinner and we don't need to do much else. And I'm pretty sure that the restaurants we are thinking about don't need to be booked 13 MONTHS IN ADVANCE.

I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, but FH has two sets of parents, so we have to consult with everyone, yet one set of parents is dominating the conversation right now. I feel bad doing this, but because my initial reaction was to say 'F-off' (don't worry, I didn't do that, I just pointed out that we had 13 months), FH is going to have to handle communication with his family for now.

It was a piece of advice I got early on from a coworker: If the future in laws start asking you too many questions about the wedding, just tell them, 'I'll mention that to FH and he'll get back to you' or 'FH is handling that, why don't you ask him'

priceless advice. and free!