Recap Part II: The Rehearsal

Fordham University has a gorgeous chapel. As part of getting married there, they provide a day-of coordinator who also conducts the rehearsal. This is a college student. Has anyone interacted with a 19 year old lately? Ever notice if they aren’t relatives, they’re kind of annoying? Like…totally, okay?

Thankfully, my sister, my glorious sister, was once the wedding coordinator and knew the ins and outs of running the rehearsal. She stepped up her teacher voice and asked the organizational questions that I didn’t know to ask.

Cutest moment ever was when my nephew was asked if he wanted to walk down by himself or with the flower girls. He, sizing up the girls thoughtfully, wisely said, “With the girls” in his v. special resigned 5 year old way. Out came his hands to pretend to hold a pillow. Heart clutch!

One thing I failed at was getting the order of the wedding party right, not knowing that putting them in order of importance going down the aisle would be reversed because they have them enter the aisle at the other end. Small…little…insignificant detail. If you care about that sort of thing. The calligrapher side of me cared, the person that knew better did not.

Also, a hint of drama at the ordering of the parents. His divorced parents. But everyone remained civil which I very much appreciated.

Also, my uncle did the ceremony and he also took over part of the rehearsal.

He was great. Kept the vows a secret. Pumped up the crowd for the responses the next day.

And before I knew it we were done and off to the rehearsal dinner, that epic event that one set of his parents had become…much. less. than. civil. over.

We did it at Umberto’s Clam House. And it was great. The tables were decorated with mums and awkward pictures from our childhoods. One person’s toast was v. biblical, but in the end, very nice and touching.

Then my dad decided to read a poem he wrote for me, entitled “Yes”. Open floodgates. Realization. Marriage. No longer someone’s child but someone’s wife. It was a heart fluttering moment.

Everyone had a great time at the rehearsal, showing that in the end, you really don’t need to worry about the small stuff or make it into something that it isn’t (the disaster I predicted). Everyone there was there to celebrate us and did they ever.

I left with my parents, to sleep in my childhood twin bed, with my wedding dress hanging over my bed from the ceiling fan. And sleep I did.

Recap Part I: The Lead Up

Exactly one week before the wedding, I got violently ill. I also turned 30. Not in that order. But close.

30 meant Korean BBQ and karaoke. it was great, especially because I got to sing the last song.

My second day of 30 years of age meant some truly horrible things. The cause of which was traced to an office lunch provided during an all day meeting the day before. One of the most amusing pre-wedding conversations was with a Department of Health staffer asking me for a stool sample and how many episodes of you know what I had had.

I planned to work the Monday-Wednesday of the wedding week. “Work” being a fungible idea that week. I got done what I needed to and placed in someone else’s hands what should have been done while I was away.

After torturing a small fraction of my office with wedding planning stories for the better part of the year, they threw me a v. nice shower. It was a total surprise. I felt like a gladiator going off to battle when I was leaving the office with everyone cheering me on. Physically, I felt like one because of the cake at the shower. I love Make My Cake, you should too.

Wednesday night, I felt good enough to do some hot yoga with one of my friends, who I will call Cheerleader of Marriage. A clear advocate of marriage and taking the plunge, she’s been a great support. You know that one friend that really steps up her A-game for you and your wedding, that’s COM. Addresses all of your little (do I need to put bows on all of the programs?) and big (will my future step father in law behave?) concerns with the answers you want to hear but couldn’t really think up yourself (hell no) and (I will throw myself between you and him, don’t worry).

Then, miraculously, from Wednesday on, it was calm.

My husband’s (!) phone starting ringing off the hook on Thursday with calls from family coming in from the unnamed state of corn-holes. My phone was mysteriously quiet. For the better.

We took care of some last minute things on Thursday. When we dropped of the seating cards and table tents, our restaurant was overtaken by the movie “The Beaver” with Jodie Foster and Mel Gibson. I tried to imagine what those two would talk about and couldn’t come up with anything but the sound of crickets.

I went to pick up our favors, black and white cookies baked by my professional chef friend at her restaurant. She wasn’t quite finished so I got to go into the pastry kitchen and wrap some up myself. That was a really fun moment. It was surreal enough to warrant a “This is really happening and I’m labeling my cookies with a sticker with a date two days from now.” No stress from anywhere, just me, my friend, baking supplies and a bunch of strangers who were nice to me because they wanted leftover cookies.

That night, we started the family ping-pong experiment that my husband (!) is used to but that usually happens in his state between his divorced parents families. That was fine.

Friday. Oh, Friday. I thought it was going to be quieter than it was.

I woke up and went for a jog, showered, noticed a water stain (this is important much later) on the ceiling and went to get a mani-pedi. On the way, I scoffed at a text message from my husband’s step mother asking if I or he was available for lunch. Sorry lady, it’s the day before my wedding and no I am not available, enjoy that crack pipe.

Mani-pedi was at a delightfully average shop with one of my preggers bridesmaids. It was great. No guilt at taking the extra 15 minute foot rub. We went to lunch after, also delicious, and then because of impending rain, I thought it would make perfect sense to buy that expensive but cute rainbow umbrella from the MOMA store. And I think I wanted to get one more totally unnecessary purchase that I justified as "wedding related." Unfortunately, this made me late to meet my sister at my apartment.

Getting ready to leave the apartment as a single person and not forget anything, because I wasn’t going to be back until I was a married person, was a little stressful. Plus, I hadn’t realized that I wouldn’t see my husband (!) until the rehearsal and dinner. THE. REHEARSAL. DINNER. You know the one.

My sister was great at getting me packed and ready. For all her nagging during the planning, she proved to be the Most Valuable Player of my weekend.

The FDR was NOT great at getting us from the lower east side to her place in Westchester. Bad, FDR, bad. If you are a NYC bride, you should know better than taking a car anywhere the Friday before your wedding. You should ALWAYS take mass transit. I was blinded by the promise of a seat in a car.

And so I was privy to the great rush of getting two children ready for the rehearsal at the church. I kind of let them sweat it out thinking that it started at 545, when it really started at 6 because if they knew, we wouldn’t have been there until 615. You know I’m right.

V. important bridal tip: lie to people about start times.

I was shocked that everyone was there on time, but not as shocked as I was when I met our barely competent 19 year old church wedding coordinator. Again, my sister stepped in and saved the day with her bossy self, otherwise, we would have been there forever. Forcing questions and reassurances, my sister was awesome and I was happy to not be on the receiving end of those questions.

The rehearsal…was surreal.

it's pretty awesome

getting married.

my friend Rachel did a better job of updating than I did. will share some thoughts in a few.

but right now...

*just happy*

home stretch

Here we go! I'm excited but strangely calm and not stressed. Michael Douglas wants to film a movie on campus with hundreds of extras? Whatevs.

Just picked up hundreds of black and white cookies from master baker and bridesmaid extraordinare.

Plan to spend time relaxing tomorrow with a nice mani/pedi and lunch.

Woohoo! After a year and a half of engagement, I'm so ready to take the leap. Take me to the edge, i'm ready to jump!

whew

I'm happy we are getting hitched next weekend, because this weekend:

1. I was felled by food poisoning all of saturday. all. of. saturday.
2. It was a DOWNPOURING from 1:30 - 3:00, prime picture taking time
3. It was a warm rain. yuck.
4. I can't reiterate how sick I was on saturday without crossing the boundaries of blogger etiquette
5. wtf, blogger etiquette.
6. i shit my pants.
7. this had never happened before...i thought it was just a fart.
8. it was so disgusting

that is all. i hope you are all grateful that you don't know what this experience feels like. if this has happened to you, you are not alone.

it's the final countdown

I've been strangely calm the last week, just handling things as they come up. I thought I would be a frantic mess at this point, but due to the fact that everything that could be delegated was, I don't have that much to worry/fret about.

Besides random stupid requests by, putting this nicely, silly, silly people. One involving carrying a baby down the aisle. I know, I'm a heartless bitch because I don't want a baby to be carried down the aisle because I think that maybe, maaaaaybe, she'll be freaked out, not like organ music, or tons of strangers looking at her, will shit her pants and then will cry (like a baby) at the altar when separated from her mother. and, I don't know why I wouldn't want that to be the last thing happen before I walk down the aisle.

Also, you get what you ask for.

I asked for my mom to look over the programs for errors/omissions and got 4 emails with several different things to correct/do. Over the course of 36 hours. helpful. didn't make all that many changes.

AND

If you download a certain font and want to bring your program to Kinko's they will not necessarily have the font on their computers. Learned that the hard way. And despite their business model of wanting to do easy printing jobs and make money, they will turn away your business because you request bond paper.

calm. still calm. KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON.


and f* you weather.com, I'm a wunderground.com fan now...

have i...

mentioned that I wanted to be Al Roker when I was growing up? yeah....



I hope this justifies my obsession.

Farmer's Almanac = Bride's Best Friend?

I consulted the Farmer's Almanac early in the wedding process. Not that I totally believed in it, but I thought it might have some merit. I believe the entry for our week (because it doesn't hone in on specific days) was periods of showers.*

Wouldn't you know that 5 out of the next 10 days are forecasted to shower? coincidence? I think not.

Brides, get thee to the bookstore and consult that farmer's almanac before you pick your date.

*Not that I care about rain, cloud cover makes for good photos, I just don't want a torrential downpour.

me being lazy

you know you are lazy when your FH creates, prints, cuts and folds all of your placecards. lazy...and smart.

he did a great job.

you know you are entering dangerous wedding territory when your most recent web browsing includes www.catholicweddinghelp.com. no joke. it exists. also, when you ask your mother to steal/borrow a hymnal from the church. and when you ask a nun to send you a copy of the most recent prayers of the faithful. cuz you are just too lazy to come up with your own.

we're one day away from the 10 day outlook on weather.com. gotta be honest, i'm excited that it is supposed to rain this weekend because I feel like that improves the chances for next weekend.

my relationship with the dark side

Let’s define the dark side first. The dark side is a place where one reads wedding blogs, beautiful, gorgeous wedding blogs (hello snippet and ink and Elizabeth Anne Designs) and wedding websites like Martha Stewart weddings, and photography websites (I’m looking at you punam bean), for at least 2 hours a day. (these are just the websites that pull me in, there is nothing wrong with these sites, besides what you do with them, ala judge yourself).

It is a place where one yearns for that perfect letterpress, to match every single piece of paper used at their wedding, but already has perfectly unique invites (which were sent out months ago). The dark side is a place where you check your own wedding registry daily. You find yourself searching endlessly for that perfect dress for your niece, who won’t even remember being there.

It is a place that makes you think your wedding isn’t special enough because it doesn’t, in your mind, measure up to all the other things/images out there, including wedding industrial complex weddings, super budget weddings AND super indie unique weddings.

Your wedding becomes defined by what it will look like, not what it will feel like and not what it is actually about: You and yours.

It isn’t a place you want to be. But only you put yourself there.

It may be a place where one looks for the *perfect* font for their wedding programs. It may be a place where I have been and thanks to the comment slaps from friends, I’m vowing not to return.

Thanks friends!

font love

Just wasted most of my morning on www.dafont.com/ for the wedding programs.

Loving these fonts:

Tagettes

Mutlu

and

Landsdowne

they're all free. and fun...

The Importance of Delegating

Delegating tasks is the biggest favor a bride can do for herself. I cannot imagine doing everything that I have asked other people to do.

At first, friends would offer to do things and I would shoo them away…'no, of course not, don’t be silly'

Now I don’t even ask, I just mention something that needs to be done, someone offers to help and away we go.

However, the flip side to delegating is when you see a finished product and it isn’t what you thought it would be, you need to just LET THE F GO. You gave it up to someone else and they did with it what they thought was best.

For example, the fact that the welcome bags will have paper weights in them. Not something that I would pick for welcome bags, but then again, I don’t have to put together welcome bags. Now the tricky part…controlling my snide comments, “who the f is going to want to carry a paperweight in their luggage when they go home?”

And our seating charts are DONE. I danced, high fived, screamed and celebrated with some two-buck chuck. That’s definitely one of the things that people told me would be hard and was hard. No wedding myth there.

when in doubt

In etiquette, I usually refer to my handy copy of Emily Post, given to me on my first day working at a high end boutique.

However, in a bind, one might find help from...

wait for it...

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=62756.0

i loves me some internet...

pre-emptive thanks

I am so thankful for the detail oriented people in my life right now, including but not limited to my future husband, a key bridesmaid, the restaurant manager and my florist.

FH is doing a ton of work right now for the wedding, not least of which is making sure we pay everyone and that we have enough money to pay for everyone, also, dealing with his mother. Came home the other day to him on the phone with her, "but mom, I'm not going to know the difference between fuschia and marroon tissue paper" re: the welcome bags, ie, not my job.

For someone like me who just wants to zone out to How I Met Your Mother, details are the bane of my existence. Second only to....

Table assignments. Doing this sucks. My issues right now include

• The old people table, they're all old, invalid and may get lost on the way to the bathroom...seat them all together or assign them to their children?
• Parent's random friends..sitting with them would be like sitting at a table with Eeyore.
  
• Who to put upstairs? I don't want to insult anyone, but people are going to be sitting upstairs. I'm going to try to make it a party up there.
• Where do we sit? This is an issue
• How to pad the in-laws tables...because non of FH's extended family is coming...

Knowing that none of this is going to matter in 3 weeks is so comforting...

30 Percent Rule Holds!

They (who's they? I don't know, people who have been married or the WIC, take your pick) say that 30% of your guest list will say no. Well guess what, for our almost 300 person guest list, this is entirely true.

It gives me such a sense of relief that our restaurant/reception venue won't be overrun with too many people.

Now about that rumor that 5 percent of the people who said yes won't actually show. Do people do this? How can this be true? We're not taking any chances and just giving the number we have. If we have to eat 10 placesettings (an entire TABLE?!?!), I'll be pissed, but not until after I get back from my honeymoon.

bmaid gifts

Picked them up from Amy at birdhouse jewelry at the brooklyn flea, she also has an etsy store...

blip

my future mother in law made rehearsal dinner invites.

I see no point in rehearsal dinner invites. and said so.

they look like an invite to a met's game.

blip.

that's me not caring and letting go. (visual includes downing glass of wine)

new thought

dear weather.com,

please look into 30 day outlooks. i'd like to stress over that which i have no control.

yours,
lb

1. month. to. go.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE

i'm nervous, excited and stressed about little details.

and therefore eating mint choc chip breyer's ice cream for dinner with red wine.

and f-ing with my birth control so i don't have my period on my honeymoon, which may be making me crazy.

dress fitting tonight.

You Say Yes, I Say No

To the THIRTY PERCENT of my guest list (80 people) that has not responded....WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME SO???

Just in case anyone is curious, the bulk of those who have not responded are RELATIVES. My relatives to be exact. You have some random friends, but mostly, it's the relatives. This is surprising, I would have thought that my parents' friends would be the slow ones. Nope. They responded promptly.

And so let the hunting for answers begin. I will email them at work, I will tell on my cousin's elderly parents and I will get cousins to harangue their elderly parents. It's just a yes or no, people.