Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Most Stressful Part

A good friend asked what the most stressful part of wedding planning is. Without hesitation I answered

The Guest List

We're up to 280+ people. 75% of the guest list is my family and friends. I was fine with 250, assuming that we would have about 215 actually show up. Now that number is getting bigger and bigger. A few more people here and there are being added by parents who promise "no more after this, i promise" I'm not inviting work people, FH is.

I'm hung up on 3 friends who I have put on the B-List. But it kind of hurts to do that because they won't get a shower invite and if they end up getting a wedding invite, they will know they were B-List. I went to 2 of their weddings, was really close to them at some point in my life, but made the call based on the fact that I haven't seen them in a year.

Mind you, I've cut people off my list that I feel no regret over...

But I keep coming back to these three. Advice I've received covers the gamut:

"Picture yourself a year after the wedding, what is your relationship with them"
"At some point, it doesn't matter if you invite more people"
"You never regret inviting a person, but you might regret not inviting a person" (I don't agree with that, there are plenty of family friends I'm regretting)

At this moment, I'm going to resolve to LET GO OF THE GUILT. And move on. They will understand, and if they don't, I just can't do anything about it.

5 comments:

ya said...

eh..I'd say invite them. what will it hurt? you dont have to have a place for everyone to sit. not everyone is going to eat.... a lot of people rsvp & then dont show I've heard, so if you want them there, invite them.

PDX Bride said...

I am having the opposite problem. We invited about 226, but our estimated headcount at this point is about 107 (we were planning on about 150). I have basically invited everyone, even those who originally were on the B list and every day more and more of the people we thought would come now aren't coming. Probably because most people would have to travel and they didnt try to buy plane tickets until recently. I am very sad because there are so many people I wish would be there and now they aren't. Just be glad you have so many people that are making the effort to come and be a part of your special day.

Desaray said...

As far as them thinking that they are "b" list, most people are kind of OK with that, you know they *understand*. Especially if the relationship has really changed since you attended their wedding. If they understand then invite them. If they wouldnt understand because they are more interested in quid pro qup, or arent honest with themselves about how things have changed, then . . . dont?

BeerBudgetBride said...

I agree with the 1st piece of advice you listed. We're having the same problem - We have 286 so far. Someone told me there's a rule of 10. Were you friends 10yrs ago? Will they still be part of your lives 10yrs from now? There are some people who are a def. YES! Other's you're kinda "ehhh" - so I guess that's the answer?

Missa said...

Hmmm...you mention your shower list versus the B List. Is there an unwritten rule that you need to invite everyone to your shower that's invited to the wedding??? If that's the case I need to start coming up with reasons why people weren't invited to my shower.

I'm only inviting CLOSEST friends to my shower and family within one degree of separation. First cousins and super involved family only.