Recap Part II: The Rehearsal

Fordham University has a gorgeous chapel. As part of getting married there, they provide a day-of coordinator who also conducts the rehearsal. This is a college student. Has anyone interacted with a 19 year old lately? Ever notice if they aren’t relatives, they’re kind of annoying? Like…totally, okay?

Thankfully, my sister, my glorious sister, was once the wedding coordinator and knew the ins and outs of running the rehearsal. She stepped up her teacher voice and asked the organizational questions that I didn’t know to ask.

Cutest moment ever was when my nephew was asked if he wanted to walk down by himself or with the flower girls. He, sizing up the girls thoughtfully, wisely said, “With the girls” in his v. special resigned 5 year old way. Out came his hands to pretend to hold a pillow. Heart clutch!

One thing I failed at was getting the order of the wedding party right, not knowing that putting them in order of importance going down the aisle would be reversed because they have them enter the aisle at the other end. Small…little…insignificant detail. If you care about that sort of thing. The calligrapher side of me cared, the person that knew better did not.

Also, a hint of drama at the ordering of the parents. His divorced parents. But everyone remained civil which I very much appreciated.

Also, my uncle did the ceremony and he also took over part of the rehearsal.

He was great. Kept the vows a secret. Pumped up the crowd for the responses the next day.

And before I knew it we were done and off to the rehearsal dinner, that epic event that one set of his parents had become…much. less. than. civil. over.

We did it at Umberto’s Clam House. And it was great. The tables were decorated with mums and awkward pictures from our childhoods. One person’s toast was v. biblical, but in the end, very nice and touching.

Then my dad decided to read a poem he wrote for me, entitled “Yes”. Open floodgates. Realization. Marriage. No longer someone’s child but someone’s wife. It was a heart fluttering moment.

Everyone had a great time at the rehearsal, showing that in the end, you really don’t need to worry about the small stuff or make it into something that it isn’t (the disaster I predicted). Everyone there was there to celebrate us and did they ever.

I left with my parents, to sleep in my childhood twin bed, with my wedding dress hanging over my bed from the ceiling fan. And sleep I did.

Recap Part I: The Lead Up

Exactly one week before the wedding, I got violently ill. I also turned 30. Not in that order. But close.

30 meant Korean BBQ and karaoke. it was great, especially because I got to sing the last song.

My second day of 30 years of age meant some truly horrible things. The cause of which was traced to an office lunch provided during an all day meeting the day before. One of the most amusing pre-wedding conversations was with a Department of Health staffer asking me for a stool sample and how many episodes of you know what I had had.

I planned to work the Monday-Wednesday of the wedding week. “Work” being a fungible idea that week. I got done what I needed to and placed in someone else’s hands what should have been done while I was away.

After torturing a small fraction of my office with wedding planning stories for the better part of the year, they threw me a v. nice shower. It was a total surprise. I felt like a gladiator going off to battle when I was leaving the office with everyone cheering me on. Physically, I felt like one because of the cake at the shower. I love Make My Cake, you should too.

Wednesday night, I felt good enough to do some hot yoga with one of my friends, who I will call Cheerleader of Marriage. A clear advocate of marriage and taking the plunge, she’s been a great support. You know that one friend that really steps up her A-game for you and your wedding, that’s COM. Addresses all of your little (do I need to put bows on all of the programs?) and big (will my future step father in law behave?) concerns with the answers you want to hear but couldn’t really think up yourself (hell no) and (I will throw myself between you and him, don’t worry).

Then, miraculously, from Wednesday on, it was calm.

My husband’s (!) phone starting ringing off the hook on Thursday with calls from family coming in from the unnamed state of corn-holes. My phone was mysteriously quiet. For the better.

We took care of some last minute things on Thursday. When we dropped of the seating cards and table tents, our restaurant was overtaken by the movie “The Beaver” with Jodie Foster and Mel Gibson. I tried to imagine what those two would talk about and couldn’t come up with anything but the sound of crickets.

I went to pick up our favors, black and white cookies baked by my professional chef friend at her restaurant. She wasn’t quite finished so I got to go into the pastry kitchen and wrap some up myself. That was a really fun moment. It was surreal enough to warrant a “This is really happening and I’m labeling my cookies with a sticker with a date two days from now.” No stress from anywhere, just me, my friend, baking supplies and a bunch of strangers who were nice to me because they wanted leftover cookies.

That night, we started the family ping-pong experiment that my husband (!) is used to but that usually happens in his state between his divorced parents families. That was fine.

Friday. Oh, Friday. I thought it was going to be quieter than it was.

I woke up and went for a jog, showered, noticed a water stain (this is important much later) on the ceiling and went to get a mani-pedi. On the way, I scoffed at a text message from my husband’s step mother asking if I or he was available for lunch. Sorry lady, it’s the day before my wedding and no I am not available, enjoy that crack pipe.

Mani-pedi was at a delightfully average shop with one of my preggers bridesmaids. It was great. No guilt at taking the extra 15 minute foot rub. We went to lunch after, also delicious, and then because of impending rain, I thought it would make perfect sense to buy that expensive but cute rainbow umbrella from the MOMA store. And I think I wanted to get one more totally unnecessary purchase that I justified as "wedding related." Unfortunately, this made me late to meet my sister at my apartment.

Getting ready to leave the apartment as a single person and not forget anything, because I wasn’t going to be back until I was a married person, was a little stressful. Plus, I hadn’t realized that I wouldn’t see my husband (!) until the rehearsal and dinner. THE. REHEARSAL. DINNER. You know the one.

My sister was great at getting me packed and ready. For all her nagging during the planning, she proved to be the Most Valuable Player of my weekend.

The FDR was NOT great at getting us from the lower east side to her place in Westchester. Bad, FDR, bad. If you are a NYC bride, you should know better than taking a car anywhere the Friday before your wedding. You should ALWAYS take mass transit. I was blinded by the promise of a seat in a car.

And so I was privy to the great rush of getting two children ready for the rehearsal at the church. I kind of let them sweat it out thinking that it started at 545, when it really started at 6 because if they knew, we wouldn’t have been there until 615. You know I’m right.

V. important bridal tip: lie to people about start times.

I was shocked that everyone was there on time, but not as shocked as I was when I met our barely competent 19 year old church wedding coordinator. Again, my sister stepped in and saved the day with her bossy self, otherwise, we would have been there forever. Forcing questions and reassurances, my sister was awesome and I was happy to not be on the receiving end of those questions.

The rehearsal…was surreal.

it's pretty awesome

getting married.

my friend Rachel did a better job of updating than I did. will share some thoughts in a few.

but right now...

*just happy*

home stretch

Here we go! I'm excited but strangely calm and not stressed. Michael Douglas wants to film a movie on campus with hundreds of extras? Whatevs.

Just picked up hundreds of black and white cookies from master baker and bridesmaid extraordinare.

Plan to spend time relaxing tomorrow with a nice mani/pedi and lunch.

Woohoo! After a year and a half of engagement, I'm so ready to take the leap. Take me to the edge, i'm ready to jump!

whew

I'm happy we are getting hitched next weekend, because this weekend:

1. I was felled by food poisoning all of saturday. all. of. saturday.
2. It was a DOWNPOURING from 1:30 - 3:00, prime picture taking time
3. It was a warm rain. yuck.
4. I can't reiterate how sick I was on saturday without crossing the boundaries of blogger etiquette
5. wtf, blogger etiquette.
6. i shit my pants.
7. this had never happened before...i thought it was just a fart.
8. it was so disgusting

that is all. i hope you are all grateful that you don't know what this experience feels like. if this has happened to you, you are not alone.

it's the final countdown

I've been strangely calm the last week, just handling things as they come up. I thought I would be a frantic mess at this point, but due to the fact that everything that could be delegated was, I don't have that much to worry/fret about.

Besides random stupid requests by, putting this nicely, silly, silly people. One involving carrying a baby down the aisle. I know, I'm a heartless bitch because I don't want a baby to be carried down the aisle because I think that maybe, maaaaaybe, she'll be freaked out, not like organ music, or tons of strangers looking at her, will shit her pants and then will cry (like a baby) at the altar when separated from her mother. and, I don't know why I wouldn't want that to be the last thing happen before I walk down the aisle.

Also, you get what you ask for.

I asked for my mom to look over the programs for errors/omissions and got 4 emails with several different things to correct/do. Over the course of 36 hours. helpful. didn't make all that many changes.

AND

If you download a certain font and want to bring your program to Kinko's they will not necessarily have the font on their computers. Learned that the hard way. And despite their business model of wanting to do easy printing jobs and make money, they will turn away your business because you request bond paper.

calm. still calm. KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON.


and f* you weather.com, I'm a wunderground.com fan now...

have i...

mentioned that I wanted to be Al Roker when I was growing up? yeah....



I hope this justifies my obsession.

Farmer's Almanac = Bride's Best Friend?

I consulted the Farmer's Almanac early in the wedding process. Not that I totally believed in it, but I thought it might have some merit. I believe the entry for our week (because it doesn't hone in on specific days) was periods of showers.*

Wouldn't you know that 5 out of the next 10 days are forecasted to shower? coincidence? I think not.

Brides, get thee to the bookstore and consult that farmer's almanac before you pick your date.

*Not that I care about rain, cloud cover makes for good photos, I just don't want a torrential downpour.

me being lazy

you know you are lazy when your FH creates, prints, cuts and folds all of your placecards. lazy...and smart.

he did a great job.

you know you are entering dangerous wedding territory when your most recent web browsing includes www.catholicweddinghelp.com. no joke. it exists. also, when you ask your mother to steal/borrow a hymnal from the church. and when you ask a nun to send you a copy of the most recent prayers of the faithful. cuz you are just too lazy to come up with your own.

we're one day away from the 10 day outlook on weather.com. gotta be honest, i'm excited that it is supposed to rain this weekend because I feel like that improves the chances for next weekend.

my relationship with the dark side

Let’s define the dark side first. The dark side is a place where one reads wedding blogs, beautiful, gorgeous wedding blogs (hello snippet and ink and Elizabeth Anne Designs) and wedding websites like Martha Stewart weddings, and photography websites (I’m looking at you punam bean), for at least 2 hours a day. (these are just the websites that pull me in, there is nothing wrong with these sites, besides what you do with them, ala judge yourself).

It is a place where one yearns for that perfect letterpress, to match every single piece of paper used at their wedding, but already has perfectly unique invites (which were sent out months ago). The dark side is a place where you check your own wedding registry daily. You find yourself searching endlessly for that perfect dress for your niece, who won’t even remember being there.

It is a place that makes you think your wedding isn’t special enough because it doesn’t, in your mind, measure up to all the other things/images out there, including wedding industrial complex weddings, super budget weddings AND super indie unique weddings.

Your wedding becomes defined by what it will look like, not what it will feel like and not what it is actually about: You and yours.

It isn’t a place you want to be. But only you put yourself there.

It may be a place where one looks for the *perfect* font for their wedding programs. It may be a place where I have been and thanks to the comment slaps from friends, I’m vowing not to return.

Thanks friends!

font love

Just wasted most of my morning on www.dafont.com/ for the wedding programs.

Loving these fonts:

Tagettes

Mutlu

and

Landsdowne

they're all free. and fun...

The Importance of Delegating

Delegating tasks is the biggest favor a bride can do for herself. I cannot imagine doing everything that I have asked other people to do.

At first, friends would offer to do things and I would shoo them away…'no, of course not, don’t be silly'

Now I don’t even ask, I just mention something that needs to be done, someone offers to help and away we go.

However, the flip side to delegating is when you see a finished product and it isn’t what you thought it would be, you need to just LET THE F GO. You gave it up to someone else and they did with it what they thought was best.

For example, the fact that the welcome bags will have paper weights in them. Not something that I would pick for welcome bags, but then again, I don’t have to put together welcome bags. Now the tricky part…controlling my snide comments, “who the f is going to want to carry a paperweight in their luggage when they go home?”

And our seating charts are DONE. I danced, high fived, screamed and celebrated with some two-buck chuck. That’s definitely one of the things that people told me would be hard and was hard. No wedding myth there.

when in doubt

In etiquette, I usually refer to my handy copy of Emily Post, given to me on my first day working at a high end boutique.

However, in a bind, one might find help from...

wait for it...

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=62756.0

i loves me some internet...

pre-emptive thanks

I am so thankful for the detail oriented people in my life right now, including but not limited to my future husband, a key bridesmaid, the restaurant manager and my florist.

FH is doing a ton of work right now for the wedding, not least of which is making sure we pay everyone and that we have enough money to pay for everyone, also, dealing with his mother. Came home the other day to him on the phone with her, "but mom, I'm not going to know the difference between fuschia and marroon tissue paper" re: the welcome bags, ie, not my job.

For someone like me who just wants to zone out to How I Met Your Mother, details are the bane of my existence. Second only to....

Table assignments. Doing this sucks. My issues right now include

• The old people table, they're all old, invalid and may get lost on the way to the bathroom...seat them all together or assign them to their children?
• Parent's random friends..sitting with them would be like sitting at a table with Eeyore.
  
• Who to put upstairs? I don't want to insult anyone, but people are going to be sitting upstairs. I'm going to try to make it a party up there.
• Where do we sit? This is an issue
• How to pad the in-laws tables...because non of FH's extended family is coming...

Knowing that none of this is going to matter in 3 weeks is so comforting...

30 Percent Rule Holds!

They (who's they? I don't know, people who have been married or the WIC, take your pick) say that 30% of your guest list will say no. Well guess what, for our almost 300 person guest list, this is entirely true.

It gives me such a sense of relief that our restaurant/reception venue won't be overrun with too many people.

Now about that rumor that 5 percent of the people who said yes won't actually show. Do people do this? How can this be true? We're not taking any chances and just giving the number we have. If we have to eat 10 placesettings (an entire TABLE?!?!), I'll be pissed, but not until after I get back from my honeymoon.

bmaid gifts

Picked them up from Amy at birdhouse jewelry at the brooklyn flea, she also has an etsy store...

blip

my future mother in law made rehearsal dinner invites.

I see no point in rehearsal dinner invites. and said so.

they look like an invite to a met's game.

blip.

that's me not caring and letting go. (visual includes downing glass of wine)

new thought

dear weather.com,

please look into 30 day outlooks. i'd like to stress over that which i have no control.

yours,
lb

1. month. to. go.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE

i'm nervous, excited and stressed about little details.

and therefore eating mint choc chip breyer's ice cream for dinner with red wine.

and f-ing with my birth control so i don't have my period on my honeymoon, which may be making me crazy.

dress fitting tonight.

You Say Yes, I Say No

To the THIRTY PERCENT of my guest list (80 people) that has not responded....WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME SO???

Just in case anyone is curious, the bulk of those who have not responded are RELATIVES. My relatives to be exact. You have some random friends, but mostly, it's the relatives. This is surprising, I would have thought that my parents' friends would be the slow ones. Nope. They responded promptly.

And so let the hunting for answers begin. I will email them at work, I will tell on my cousin's elderly parents and I will get cousins to harangue their elderly parents. It's just a yes or no, people.

bridal showers are not the enemy

Even though it rains
Even though you weren't surprised, necessarily
Even though your crazy aunt forgot her teeth
Especially because your five year old nephew runs you over in front of everyone
Especially because your six month old niece is cute as a button and makes everyone "awwww"
Even though you never think you'll get through all those presents in under 6 hours
Especially because your college next door neighbor who you met by chance, puts together the most god awful ribbon hat that makes you smile radiantly and sashay...
Even though three of your bridesmaids don't make it for perfectly good reasons
Especially because they were there in spirit
Even though you don't understand your future mother in law
Especially because your favorite aunt and cousins were there
Even though your sister doesn't understand why you would get three different colors of Fiesta plates
Even though you didn't actually get to eat dessert, or coffee, or taste anything because your adrenaline was running on super high and
Especially because you weren't as mortified as you thought you would be opening a nightie from your mom...

You love your bridal shower. You feel loved and honored. and amazed that it went by so quickly.

early 90s fun

It's important to laugh during these hectic times. Does anyone else remember this episode?

I'm

getting married NEXT MONTH. yikes.

tylenol pm, you and I will be v. good friends...

How Will I Know I'm At a Wedding?

Went to hang out with my sister and her friends at her beach rental last week. I suspect it was a poorly planned wedding intervention, but these days, every interaction with my sister goes similarly. This was an actual conversation:

Her: You guys, she's not having cake
Friend 1: Not having cake!
Friend 2: You have to have cake!
Me: No I don't
Her: I will buy you a cake
Me: You only want to do that because you bought me a cake topper. We are having pie, get over it, it costs more money to serve cake than it's worth
Her: You are ridiculous
Friend 1: How will I know I'm at a wedding if you don't cut cake?
Me: I don't know, maybe the one hour service before and the big white dress I'll be wearing could be hints?

And no, I have not told them of the many other things we are skipping: champagne toast (that shit is expensive), garter toss (ridiculous), bouquet toss (also ridiculous), being announced (just silly, everyone there knows who we are)

You have to learn to pick your battles.

cute

Just in case anyone out there loves ladybugs



Placecards and other loverly things are on sale at kate's paperie (where I spent an hour trying to figure out if I wanted to line my own envelopes and subsequently decided to only line a choice few)

Apologies

Sorry, I short-circuited on macy's yesterday. It isn't a big deal, but I feel bad for people who are trying to buy us presents and are faced with sheer incompetence.

On a lighter note, Williams Sonoma has been nothing but a delight to work with/receive gifts from.

We're less than 2 months out and it's....exciting. I'm really really excited. I think it will be a great day but most of all, I'm excited to call FH my husband. We've been practicing and it usually ends up with giggles.

Our response rate has been slower than I would have liked, but we're almost at a 50% response rate, 3 weeks after sending out the invites and 2.5 weeks before the cut off date. With the Yes/No rate, we're likely to have about 240 at the wedding, which sounds perfect. It's not likely to be that many tho as conventional wisdom says that you'll get more Nos towards the end.

We got back one response card from a girlfriend of mine and she didn't put her boyfriends name. I'm thinking, oh dear lord, I hope I didn't offend them by not putting his name on the invite. After a few frantic emails/calls to all non marrieds in a relationship, I come to find out that she was going through a really tough time and had just broken up with her boyfriend.

So, lesson learned, it isn't all about me all the time and it never should be.

Dear Macy's,

Dear Macy's,

You fucking suck. I realize that we are in a national fiscal meltdown, but if you advertise a certain kate spade china pattern during all of 2008/2009, brides are going to want it and you best stock the freaking merchandise or no one will be able to buy it.

I won't even go into the candlesticks on backorder for 95 days or my bedding on closeout.

You blow. And I find it annoying that I have to go through weddingchannel.com to get to the registry, which operates like a website from 1995. fix that.

best,
LB

hey now, bed bath and beyond, what's your stock room look like....

Follow Up

I bought this one and met Sara Gabriel herself (sassy mom to be with tattoos! a veil designer with tattoos!). I felt compelled to tell her that most veils scare me, but hers don't. She accepted by high compliment quite gracefully.

Tempting

Going to the Sara Gabriel trunk show at Gabriella in a few. Where I shall try on:

Wendy
Katie


and Drew...
Lord only knows how much these things cost, but I just can't help myself. I PROMISE not to buy anything crazy. which is what I said 45 mins before buying a sample at Kleinfelds. sh!t.

I'm a Survivor

A lazy bride's coping mechanism for difficult family:

Tip #1
Make sure everyone is on the same page. If your FH doesn't see a control battle/power struggle when it is obvious to you, sit back and watch for a while. State the obvious, without any slant, it will hit him/her eventually.

Tip #2
When your FH is cursing out his own parents, stand back. You have/want no part of this.

Tip #3
When faced with confronting a situation head on vs. putting it off to the wedding, confront, start fresh, encourage deep breaths, we are all adults here.

Tip #4
If the sleeping arrangements are not clear to you and you live in the apt/house, state your desires before they arrive and have your significant other define those terms to his/her parents, this will end up beautifully with you in your bed and not the air mattress

Tip #5
If the car isn't air conditioned, look on the bright side, at least you don't have to talk to them with the wind drowning out everything but your own thoughts.

Tip #6
Exercise your right for alone time, go to the supermarket alone, leave the situation, if you must claim sickness, do so.

Tip #7
When your significant other tries to gloss over the weekend as not so bad, highlight the one, most egregious infraction that goes against the core of your values and principles so that they don't forget what you just went through for their family.

Tip #8
Live at least 4 states from said difficult people.

they're coming....

the in-laws. for a visit. and staying in our 500 sq foot nyc apartment. with us.

pray for me.

xoxo,
lb

ps, my mom offered to get my old bedroom ready in case i wanted to stay at my parents'. i do. ssshh, don't tell FH, i'm trying to be strong and show resolve in the face of adversity, aka, downright assholeishness.

Lil Peek

Dropped off the dress on saturday...this pic is pre-alterations. Subsequently went to fancy dress shop where I learned my sample sale bargain is a "fit to flare" whatever that means. And the woman seemed shocked that I didn't know the designer. Should I care?

Was made to try on several veils worth hundreds of dollars to end up in david's bridal with a birdcage on my head and a smile on my face. Is a trend over when it ends up in david's bridal? Is david's bridal the old navy of bridal fashion? all I know is everyone seemed perfectly happy and bridal-y in that store.

Bridesmaid Dress Blues

So, my sister had a lovely baby girl 6 months ago. She ordered a bridesmaid dress 2 months ago. And it doesn't fit. Not because she ordered the right size, but she ordered the size that was $50 less than the "next" size category.

When faced with this decision, encourage your bridesmaids to order the right size and not go through the agony of what my sister just went through. No woman should have to wear a bridesmaid dress after just giving birth, but if they have to they should be kind enough to themselves to order the right size. And no one knows what size you ordered when you walk down that aisle, so it really doesn't matter.

Thankfully, we have a master seamstress on the case. Who is now in possession of my wedding dress!!! eeeeee. first fitting: done.

A Wedding Gift For Desaray

Ta Daaaaa

all in powerpoint, people. and those boroughs aren't an autoshape. It involved at least 2 hours of me drawing, in powerpoint, tracing over an image of the boroughs because i couldn't find a simple outline of them. Also note how I oversimplified...there are at least 15 other major highways that stream through the greater metropolitan area...

Seriously though, congrats to Desaray and Lauren on their upcoming nuptials this weekend. Even though I don't know them officially, I count on them to update their blog with silly pictures and crazy mash up collages to help me get through this thing called wedding planning.

ps, stay tuned for more invite craziness...during which i go to three paper stores looking for envelope liners only to be talked back from the edge of lining 175 envelopes by my sister and a nice fellow shopper.

Oh Dad...

Dad picked I Hope You Dance by Leanne Womack for our father/daughter dance. Who knew Dad loved country? I mean I knew he had a thing for Willie Nelson, but this is a different animal entirely.

Lyrics
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I'm not kidding anyone, even my city slickered heart has some pulled strings when I listen to it.

A good friend gave smart advice: waterproof makeup. In other practical thoughts, this sucker is 5 mins long. If I cry for that long, we'll have other issues to deal with. Good thing my makeup artist is a guest as well.

Stalking UPS

The invites are in the mail! from the printer! I'm inordinately excited and am refreshing the UPS status page at least 4 times an hour.

On a related note, I've spent nearly 8+ hours creating my own little map and directions card to insert in the invite. Gave to FH to review last night.

Me: Oh! Look what I made! (sing song voice that doesn't occur in nature)
FH: (squinting)
Me: Be positive! say something positive! spent a lot of time on them
FH: They're nice
Me: What was the squint about?
FH: (scared animal trying to calculate escape hatch)...they're a little confusing...

Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but I didn't kill him.

Back to the powerpoint drawing board. Just to give you a taste of my torture, google maps wasn't doing it for me, so I recreated downtown brooklyn with autoshapes, complete with directionals. AND I couldn't find an accurate representation of the 4 boroughs (sorry staten island), so I did it myself. In powerpoint. with autoshapes. shudder.

and yesterday, when I had finished my masterpiece, I accidentally hit the surge protector with my foot, turning the computer completely off. Had to stifle a scream of utter dispair and horror so as to not alert my coworkers to my elicit behavior. yeah. had to re-do about an hour of work.

could be fun

Having just finished designing invites, of course NOW I'm seeing all the fun NYC images that I wanted to pull from. That said, our invites are pretty sweet. And they're going to ship by next week!

The Most Stressful Part

A good friend asked what the most stressful part of wedding planning is. Without hesitation I answered

The Guest List

We're up to 280+ people. 75% of the guest list is my family and friends. I was fine with 250, assuming that we would have about 215 actually show up. Now that number is getting bigger and bigger. A few more people here and there are being added by parents who promise "no more after this, i promise" I'm not inviting work people, FH is.

I'm hung up on 3 friends who I have put on the B-List. But it kind of hurts to do that because they won't get a shower invite and if they end up getting a wedding invite, they will know they were B-List. I went to 2 of their weddings, was really close to them at some point in my life, but made the call based on the fact that I haven't seen them in a year.

Mind you, I've cut people off my list that I feel no regret over...

But I keep coming back to these three. Advice I've received covers the gamut:

"Picture yourself a year after the wedding, what is your relationship with them"
"At some point, it doesn't matter if you invite more people"
"You never regret inviting a person, but you might regret not inviting a person" (I don't agree with that, there are plenty of family friends I'm regretting)

At this moment, I'm going to resolve to LET GO OF THE GUILT. And move on. They will understand, and if they don't, I just can't do anything about it.

First Dance

I like the first dance tradition, it's sweet, doesn't really have any hidden agenda, and gives everyone a chance to take way too many pictures. It also creates a little pocket of time for just us. We're not going to break dance like some couples or play baby got back....you know you watched that you tube video.

So, I lobbied for a little dance lesson $$ in the budget and we went a few days ago. It was SO FUN. I felt like a kid in mad hot ballroom, but better.

Not only do you get to learn how to look better than you normally would dancing, but dancing is really a team effort. And I can't emphasize how much I like team efforts, especially in the crunch time of wedding planning, when things are delegated and taken care of by one person or the other, but not both.

Also, a helpful hint from my friend, your dress should be altered to leave you about an inch from the floor to the bottom of the dress, or else your betrothed will step on your dress when dancing.

PS If anyone is looking for dance lessons in the NYC area, Alfredo Melendez is your man.

in praise of RK Bridal

Added to the list of things that freak me out are bridesmaids that look all the same. However, being lazy, I didn't put up a fight when my sister wanted everyone to match and gasped in horror to my suggestion that everyone wear a blue dress of their choice.

Off to RK we went.

With 2 bridesmaids by my side to combat the sister strongarming, we settled on a lovely Alfred Sung number in midnight blue.

Due to 3 pregnancies amidst tiny army of b maids, we strategically ordered the dresses at the end of may to arrive by August.

They arrived today!

May the gods grant more luck like this! Would I be pushing it to hope for 80 percent of the guest list to respond within a week?

3 Months To Go!

Please pull the harness from above

Pull towards yourself until you hear a click

Keep hands and feet securely inside the roller coaster car

and enjoy the ride.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That's what I feel like.

In the last month, we finished pre-cana, gathered all the church documents (baptism, communion, and confirmation certificates), reserved tuxes, found really truely comfy yet sexy shoes, picked flower girl dresses, crap, it felt like we did more...oh! ordered invitations after several back and forth convos with the designer and they should be here by the end of July, we hope.

At this point, I think that things start taking care of themselves. Am I delusional? Or maybe I hope they start taking care of themselves...

Things to look forward to include picking readings and music for the church, hauling my dress out to brooklyn to be fitted, getting the b-maid dresses, acting surprised at my shower, picking a song for Father/Daughter, toning my arms and back, scaling back on the drinking, and reaching my goal of owning one bathing suit for every day we are in hawaii.

ps, hell no the tuxes aren't white and pink, gotcha!

pie in the sky

I thought we could get away with cutting a small cake to satisfy those, including my sister, who want us to cut the cake. My sister bought us a Lladro cake topper as an engagement present, because I am so clearly a figurine person...yeah...not so much.

sis, "So just put it on top of the pie!"
me, "It will sink"
sis, "You take all the joy out of wedding planning!"
me, "You're welcome" (to my niece who will one day have to deal with the musings of my sister as she tries to have a low key wedding)

Emailed the coordinator at the restaurant who pointed out, well, if you cut a cake then people expect to EAT a cake. So true. Pie it is. Not just any pie, but fancy stacked pies.

yum.

the man in my life

Every time someone buys something off our registry, the man in my life (TMIML is too long, right?), calls me and updates me. Looks like someone has a case of registry-stalkaholism.

I find this...fascinating. Especially considering that registering was about as pleasant as a dentist appointment.

another sale

Daily Candy is beginning to be more of an annoyance than the knot.

What: Lela Rose Wedding
Why: Fifteen styles of white gowns are $500-$3,000 (up to 80 percent off).
When: July 15-17. Wed.-Fri., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.
Where: 224 W. 30th St., b/t Seventh & Eighth Aves., 13th flr.

must. not. look. at. other. dresses. ugh.

bridal sample sales

go only because i can't...

Pronovias Sample Sale - Saturday, June 27th
14 East 52nd Street, between Madison and Fifth Avenue.
by appointment only (212-897-6393).

Also,

Walked by Veka on Mott yesterday, they are having a sample sale, prices from $1000 - $2500 on european designers like Suzanne Ermann. Go Go Go. I totally went in to see some of those fancy numbers...you should too.

Veka
262 Mott St., nr. Prince St.
New York, NY 10012
212-925-9044

have you seen this?

The nytimes article With this Burger I Thee Wed? I object to a few things in this article, including this:

Still, the final tab is often head-slappingly high: The cost of a wedding planned this summer by Ms. Weiss or Jo Gartin, two of Los Angeles’s most sought-after wedding specialists, is as high or higher than last year, or about $150,000 to $200,000, according to the two planners.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ridiculous.

But the slideshow of readers' food picks is total wedding porn.


mmm, cheesy burgers...

la la la, less than 4 months...

I'm thinking I need to unsubscribe from smitten kitchen and Joy the Baker from now until October. Cuz all I want to do is go home and make these.


I've been MIA lately...had friends visit over the weekend from that place the FH is from and they were SO FUN to have over. That said, when asked what wedding stuff I had to show her, yeah, I had nothing. Like nothing. We have nothing in our apt that has to do with our wedding. Do I need to have stuff? Is there something I'm missing?

And our wedding binder, if you could call it that, is like a monster with paper as teeth, totally overwhelming the one inch spine I thought I would need for this thing called a wedding.

rehearsal dinner schmimmer

FH got taken to the cleaners by a restaurant in Little Italy in the Bronx and put a deposit down.

Came home freaked out. Talked it over. Since the dinner menu was going to be fancier than our actual wedding and there was a hazy area re: tipping, we canceled the reservation and stopped payment on the check. We decided to go to more affordable and less nice place. You know, the place with all the politician pics on the walls as you walk in, the pizza place in the front and the mirrored room in the back. alls kinds of classy.

As I've said before, I'd prefer to skip the whole thing, take a tylenol pm and got to sleep on the twin bed from my childhood, but if dinner is to be had, even the bare essentials will do for me. It's the parents who "care". Bring on the mirrored room and the cheap chianti.

Dispatches from Pre-Cana; Part I

Pre-Cana is mandatory Catholic marriage counseling all couples must go through to be married in the Catholic Church. Not going to lie, I viewed this as a big fat pain in my.....neck. Didn't help that FH resented having to go. Now, I love therapy and my therapist, but marriage counseling led by a people who are going to try to tell me that rhythm method is really the only acceptable birth control and who actively advocate against gay marriage and pro-choice political candidates? meh.

I am Roman Catholic, survived 16 years of Catholic education, struggled with the faith and the church and the church's stances on a variety of issues (don't even get me started on women priests and the 2nd class status of nuns) and still struggle with it. However, my uncles, who will be celebrating the mass as they are both priests, are awesome and have made Catholicism a large part of our family. Mass is celebrated at reunions, we used to sing Christmas Carols as a family in front of St. Pat's. It is an amazing unifying force for my sometimes contentious family.

Back to Pre-Cana. We went to our first of 3 sessions. It was...not painful...dare I say...semi-delightful?!?!

You could tell from the 30+ couples in the room that no one wanted to be there. It felt like a weird school assembly where we were going to find out we had to do extra sessions because we are all NY sinners. You know, how you used to feel in grade school.

There was one speaker, a reporter whose name I forget, who talked about his marriage, his experience and advice on communication in marriage. He went over the Catholic view of marriage as a sacrament, the gravity of the vocation that is marriage and what we as people entering marriage should be mindful of not only as we enter marriage but as we face challenges together as a married couple, as one. A team, if you will.

He covered how love will change and it isn't romantic love that keeps things going but a deeper more intimate love that strengthens the marriage, helping through bad times. How men and women communicate differently and how plans to make your partner change after you're married won't work. How you have to give fully of yourself to the other person. It was a good pep talk on marriage.

He had some mandatory propaganda along the lines of, "it has been shown that couples who live together before marriage have higher rates of divorce." Which, I'm sorry, when your rent is a mortgage payment in someone else's life and you are paying for a wedding, you are living together and I don't think your risk of divorce is any better or worse than the next person.

But I appreciate the attempt at a guilt trip. There's something comforting in that. And yes, I find guilt comforting sometimes, a direct result of 16 yrs of Catholic education and just one reason I enjoy therapy.

Crazy Calligraphy

Yep, I went to Pearl Paint and bought a calligraphy set. What? You think I'm crazy? Well, I think it's crazy to pay someone to write addresses on envelopes. Who's crazy now, Rachel?

tasting

I find myself looking at pictures of our tasting, specifically this peanut butter fudge pie. mmmm.



And the decimated apple pie. Is it weird to have two pies as dessert? figure the lighter apple for traditionalists and the peanut butter fudge pie for FH, cuz he will go around to every table and eat theirs...

sneak peek

hello lace, beading and buttons...

It Fits

EDITED

Tried the dress on yesterday. It fits and I still like it. It's way more romantic than I ever thought I would go for. Having just gone to Kleinfeld's for a friend's dress fitting, I have the name and number of a seamstress.

Kleinfeld's cost for alterations is $575 for alterations, $295 for dry cleaning, holy crap. But they give out their seamstress's contact info if you want to do it that way. I just don't know if she will press it and clean it for me as well. It was a sample, it needs a lil sprucing. And she's out in brooklyn. Kleinfeld's is centrally located...

Now I can get around to buying those shoes that are super comfy. Found them at my glass slipper. The strangest shoe store in NYC.

It's on the sixth floor of an office building, only a few blocks from Kleinfeld's, down a labyrinth of hallways. Picture a windowless room full of white and ivory wedding shoes.

Et Tu, Archie?

I was a huge Archie reader growing up and always felt a kinship to Betty, the hardworking, friendly girl next door who never had the money or moxie that Veronica had. Alas, do good (blond) girls always end up last? Jezebel has a good round up...



They totally did this for the ratings...

friend + vendor = frendor?

So, we're having a friend use their professional talent for our wedding. But I have to tell you, think twice about doing this. If you do decide to do this, check your control freak at the door.

Example #1, the invites.
The design looks amazing, but it's taking a while to get edits back. And there was an email sent that had the subject, "I do what I like" Ummm, no you don't. Not when you are designing someone's wedding invitations.

That email made me put Ceci New York on speed dial. Damn the cost.

Example #2, the favors.
I have another friend, a pastry chef who offered to bake us cookies for favors. I'm giving her time to really think about this before confirming, it would be great, but at the same time, we were ready to scrap favors all together. Since I don't really care about favors, I have less of a control freak reaction...not so with the wedding invites...

Balance it out is all I'm saying. If you really care about something, maybe you should pay for it.

A Letter

Dear Macy's,

You are crazy! You want me to register for 350 gifts for my 250 guests! That's nuts. Your breakdown is nothing short of hilarious.

• Register for 101 more items which are $50 or less
• Register for 72 more items which are $51 to $100
• Register for 42 or more items which are $101 - $150
• Register for 33 or more items which are over $150

Does my mom work for you? My future mother in law? C'mon, they put you up to this right? I don't think I could physically walk into my nyc one bedroom apt if I received 250 gifts, let alone 350. This wedding industry thing has clearly gone to your head. However, you have lovely plates...

hugs,
LB

to veil or not to veil

I...wasn't so sure about the veil thing. Then I turned to my favorite photog (who sadly is not our photog) just to see what's what in the veil world. Not that I don't love me some etsy, but there is something about veils on mannequins that really freaks me out. I'm debating between an elbow length and a *gasp* birdcage.

you are amazing, Punam Bean. All images from Punam's Blog.

I'll be lucky if I have a quarter of this bride's composure and sass on my wedding day.

website remix part II

So, I angsted over picking a host for the wedding website. We went with www.mywedding.com. It seemed to have the nicest designs for free. Here is what I learned from this experience:

Disclaimer: I am not a website programmer, these are simply observations

1. Your and your FH's writing styles will be totally different. Esp if you write a blog and as part of your job and he does not. This may or may not be a pleasant surprise. Let's just say if FH wrote a blog, you would feel the need to wear a suit while reading it. and hose.

2. You cannot edit the HTML, which will annoy you if you are used to google blogger or any other kind of website interface.

3. Their vendor recommendations are weird and clearly paid for by the vendors. If you pay for a recommendation, it is not a recommendation, it is an advertisment, please call it such.

4. There is an RSVP function, which is nice.

5. If you want to make your text link to a page, you cannot do this and must provide the full link.

6. I wonder who will actually visit the website and make use of it

7. Friend's comments will make you smile, this makes it worth it

8. You may or may not feel guilty providing a link to your registries. For some reason, I was fine with registering all by myself, in the soft glow of my post-midnight computer screen, but now I hear cousins reactions in my head, "she registered for $600 knives, who does she think she is?" Let's not even talk about the plates.

9. Creating a website will make you cross things off your to-do list faster, like pick hotels and think about transportation, all good things, if you, like me, need some fire under that ass.

10. Telling people about the website is awkward..."Hey, we made a website, no, we are't sending save the dates" It kind of feels like you are asking them to look at your registry and get you a gift. Clearly I have issues about the registry thing.

how fun

from Andy Pratt

Too bad I already have too many New York themed prints for my tiny apt and Ohio loving FH.

it happened

I felt/feel overwhelmed. Freaked out at FH (who is increasingly a groomzilla).What can you do? Especially when thinking the same thoughts on a continuous loop:

hope my dress fits
hope the guest list shrinks overnight
why did he put neverending story on our song list?
what will my dad want to dance to?
why does the church need certificates no less than 6 months old when we were baptized years ago?
hope pre-cana doesn't turn me into an alcoholic
why do veils freak me out?
why is everyone pushing the veil?
can i pull off the birdcage?
why can't i find a pair of shoes that i like that are compfy?
hope my vendors remember me
is it weird to have red velvet cake and peanut butter fudge pie as dessert options?
must take dance lessons
i hope the invites look good
wonder if i can avoid his horrible family member till the wedding
that wouldn't be good
thank god the invites look good
dear lord, why does FH have opinions?
wonder if i ignore them
didn't work
how will i get the flowers to the wedding?
when will my maid of honor like the things i like?
never, she's your sister
why is flock of seagulls on the dance list?
why does the flowergirls mother want their hair done?
i don't
he must stop freaking out about the guest list
who am I marrying?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

no amount of crafting, quilting, knitting or applying to grad school is going to be able to fully distract me from this loop of thoughts. ha! I even signed up for the GRE to give myself something other than wedding planning to do. silly girl, tricks are for kids.

five months to go people. it'll get better, right?

Wedding Movies

Watched Father of the Bride over the weekend. It was highly entertaining and I suggest for any bride to be. The funniest part was, of course, the wedding planner, Franc played by Martin Short, and BD Wong as his assistant. The line that made me laugh out loud?

"Now, let's pick the CAK, because the CAK will set the whole tone of the wedding"

And the cake, in 1991, cost $2,500. Cost per person, all in? $250 a head. In 1991!

If anything, it's a good laugh and perspective. I've resolved to be more positive about the wedding planning and laughing at this movie helped me realize we are on the right track, certain things having to do with a wedding are ridiculous, but there's no reason to lose your head overthings.

And I'll stop negative comments about people who love wedding planning...it's just because I would love to have some of your enthusiasm!

pie toppers?

It's looking like we won't have a cake to top as the our favorite two desserts at the tasting were both pie.

these are quite darling...

Amigurumi Love Birds, free pattern courtesy of Lion Brand website...

opinions v. decisions

We had our first wedding related blow up. I blame it on opinions that get in the way of decision making. Whose opinions? FHs. I'm not saying he isn't allowed to have opinions, I've welcomed his opinion on nearly every wedding related decision we have made. But when those opinions crop up late in the decision making...I get cranky. I may even steamroll my way through those opinions just to GET THINGS DONE.

Does this make me a 'dictator'?

Does this make me a *gasp* 'bridezilla'?

No, not when I apologize for making him feel that way and state the reason why I do the things I do. But that apology...man, sometimes it's hard to get there, you know?

the fight? started over whether to include all of our parents' names on the invites (his opinion) vs. my "together with our families" (thereby equally offending/honoring all parties) but touched on a whole range of other issues. It was ugly. I'm told that if we get through planning a wedding we'll be fine. I don't know why people love planning weddings. I really really don't.

the hair

I had my hair trail with the amazing Stacy Pitt. I can't begin to tell you how awesome she is. She put my hair in 5 styles in an hour and a half, plus pulled a superhero trick with the down style by pulling it up with 3 pins, AND put it in a pony for me to look acceptable walking the streets of the east village. love her.

Style 1: The Classic

Style 2: The Texan
the one a friend said made me look like a mormon fundamentalist from Texas

Style 3: The Mom
the one everyone loves but that I only did for my mom

Style 4: The Swirl
loved it in person, not so much in pics

Style 5: The Damn I Have A Lot of Hair
amazing side view, back view has too many curls for me

i cropped this not so much for anonymity but because I didn't know I had the beginning of jowls

i look forward to your comments. go for it.

tasty tasting

We're going for our tasting tonight at Bubby's. Here are our selections:

Appetizers
Shrimp and Pork Spring Rolls
Mini Potato Pancakes with sour cream and onions
Mini slider burgers
Mini BBQ pulled pork
Mac and Cheese bites

Salads
Arugula with roasted pears and parm
Beet and goat cheese salad

Entrees
Rosemary roasted chicken
Striped bass
Pecan crusted salmon
Brisket

Sides
Mac and cheese
Green beans almondine
Mashed Potatoes
Grilled asparagus

Desserts
Apple Pie
Carrot Cake
Peanut Butter Chocolate Pie

I expect to feel the same way I do after a visit to chipotle, like I just ate a small animal, but happier.

Art

After seeing Jessie Oleson's custom art for not martha and her wedding, I started thinking about who I would want to make a little custom something-something for me.

It would have to be Denise DeLong. I heart her collages and her ceramics. Have this one in the apt.


p.s. I can't post the letter, it's a little too personal even for my anonymous blog. We all have limits, right?

shower-gate update part II

I had a little conundrum over whether or not to attend my future sister in law's baby shower in a far away state (her one of 4 showers) or my bridesmaid's bridal shower (whom I have known since I was 12) in nyc. On easter weekend. For anyone else who has been in this situation...doesn't it just suck?

I had decided and went the bridal shower this past weekend and it was so great. I'm not a huge fan of showers, but this one was delightful. The 3 margaritas I drank were...helpful.

Fall out from the in-laws re: the missed shower? FSIL is fine, FMIL is fine. I worked myself into such a tizzy about this that I couldn't sleep at night. My relationship with the in-laws is still fragile...but it's just going to have to be on hold right now while I wrap my head around this getting married business.

In fact, I mentioned to my mom that FMIL hasn't been asking as many questions as she had in the past about the wedding. Her response, "Maybe it's because of the letter I sent her"

Me: WHAT?
Mom: I responded to her letter, didn't you want me to do that?
Me: um, yeah...did you keep a copy? what did it say?
Mom: I think I saved it on my computer
Me: you TYPED a letter to FMIL?
Mom: I've always typed letters
it's true, I've received typed letters since the age of 10 at summer camp
Me: Could you send me it?
Mom: Sure

Backstory: FMIL sent my mom a letter back in December with a bunch of wedding related questions that honestly, my mom has no interest in (gee, I wonder where I got this anti-bride gene). My mom had foot surgery and was on vicodin for a good part of December and January, no state to respond to a letter.

Fast forward to my anniversary dinner with FH when he asks me, my mom wants to know why your mom didn't respond to her letter, she wants to know if your mom knows about what happened over Christmas. 'What happened over christmas' is the reason FH hasn't talked to his stepdad since Christmas and horrible in every way imaginable. Of course my mom knows.

I ask my mom why she didn't respond to the letter, she said she didn't think she had to and doesn't see a reason why she should. I ask her to just respond if she asked a question.

So she does. In a TYPED letter. To a probably beautifully hand written letter from FMIL.

The letter.

My friends.

Is awesome. Says Lay the F off my daughter in the NICEST way possible.

and ever since...no questions from the in-laws.

I wonder if they are still coming...

and

I love my mom. For everything.

Fun or Ridiculous?

Would this be fun or ridiculous: pin different brooches on the b-maids?

i may just like this one because it's a japanese craft item

Or if floral is too much, old school ones like this one?

all photos link to etsy seller shops...